Hashoot

Depression of A Film-Addict

رضا — Tue, 1 May 2012 15:25:19 GMT

I watch movies and series and I watch'em a lot. Unstoppable, seriously unstoppable and what's that suppose to mean. I don't feel like a hero and I don't feel gifted. Am I wanted to be seen?

I watch movies and series and that helps. It helps to put miseries aside and see others miseries and happiness. Their hectic moments become mine. And it feels better. I become the loser who puts himself together and wins the game at the end….. I like movies and series.

I watch'em a lot and these moments of fantasy, I feel safe and my miseries are gone. I drown in their world…. I become the evil the beast…. I become the hero the beauty and for a moment I feel better. I like lemon. I like the lemon-like taste of it.

I watch movies and series and I like the lemon-like taste of truth…. When it strikes back and tells you:" welcome back to the world" and bitterness hits you.

I watch movie and series and I'm tired of silly people. When there is this guy, silly inside out and he remains silly to the end of the time, magically wins it all at the end.

I hate that guy that despite the fact that he does everything he could, he still loses and those who must be losers become god and win it all.

I hate that moment I hate this moment I hate that moment I hate this moment…. Over and over... I hate all that easily fuckingly predictable moments but still . . .

I watch movies and series . . . 'cause I'm a film-addict. Welcome…welcome to the world of film-addict….

Reza

Brother and Sister for Life

رضا — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:59:47 GMT

You born in the same family, you grow up together and you nurture in the same way... that can make you enemies or real friends...depends on those who were in charge...

You have experienced a life time and You have endless memories together, some are happy some sad...but that's what makes this relation reliable because you have seen each other in different situations and you know how to act, what to do or not to do, to bring comfort for the other...so make it the way they want till sadness storm calms and comes to an end.

there are too many happy memories and some few sad ones...It's clear that the happy moments are important but what makes this bond strong is the sadness you have overcome together...

and when you become adults, you may have reached to a point to leave each other and live with another one but sisterhood and brotherhood are places that one can always come back to and be safe and trusted...

to all who have felt the same way in their life...

brother and sister for life...

Reza

The Look in Their Eyes

رضا — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:58:13 GMT

Well, there are things in their eyes, different things. I don't know why but it's now in history if I remember a time I looked in the depth of anybody's eyes.

I always look at the face in general and then I go for the body. I feel like I'm losing my human Part and the animal inside is roaring and wants to rip me apart and come out.

Lust maybe is the trigger, but... well let's forget about this... It's not what I want to say.

Their eyes.... they can be kind, ugly, sad, angry, surprised, shy and lonely. I remember all these eyes but I don't remember the time I stopped looking at them. Am I afraid of my own eyes to be read or maybe I'm afraid of seeing the truth in their eyes. Do you think if I've known the answer I would write about it?!

The fear of being unpleasant and unwanted, I've tried so hard to not look straight in their eyes and now I think I've lost the way. deep inside I like those eyes and the feeling you get from them...

I can look directly to the sun without the fear of blindness, but then maybe with putting such an intense feeling into looking the sun, I make her uncomfortable. maybe she starts imagining things about me and sets before its correct time. who knows?!!

The fear of misunderstandings while staring at them. I want my stares back, I want a world without misunderstandings where I can see the beauties for hours without becoming uneasy or make them so and be an annoying.

I want my world back where those looks weren't forbidden . . .I want it back.

Reza and his loneliness

Constant

رضا — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:56:23 GMT

Everything seems constant. I feel like I'm clinched to the wall of eternity of " hey you have to be there and no more talks."

les montres molles by Salvador Dalí

That's the fate of the universe or something like that I think. Nothing's moving forward or backward where I'm standing and it's really give you a dull feeling. A nothingness that you want to ignore but it's in the air you're breathing and it's lemon-like taste is teasing you.

Bitch........... the issue is hard to explain. I'm not saying it's bad or anything. It's just It's not like me anymore. I'm going through things I don't want to and I don't like to but it seems it's what people call living. Maybe I was some dead thing that I haven't seen it all these years.

Now the boss is talking and you need sympathy but actually he is saying : " that's how life is and the sons will endure for the mistake of the father. have you forgotten your oath......"

I cover my ears and take a deep breath then it starts fading. yeeeeeeeaaaah...... Hoorrrrrrrrrrrrray (as I can say such a thing.LOL)

Boss, I need sympathy not sermon. don't you see it man, life is against the rules of this company and the company itself is changing, so you can't trust it to remain stable and be a constant yourself. don't tell me it's another one of those loyalty test you are making up. Have anyone has ever told you that they are few who pass and who says I want to pass. I like the teacher and the boss so I want to see him again and again.

Maybe not a proud one, but not scared to say:
"I love you ,man."

Reza

P.S: Lemon-like taste.... you know I like lemon. it's my favorite. It has a deep meaning. you put it in your mouth and for seconds it's heaven for minutes its bitterness is there. Maybe you do so in your everyday life. minutes of joy for a day of bitter. days for month and month for years. you can't even think about it. so don't eat lemon and leave it to me.

P.S2: I'm not sure if it has any relation with what I'm saying on top, but you may find it if you get serious.

فی الجمله اعتماد مکن بر ثبات هیچ (یا دهر یا هرچی اون بینوا گفته) کاین کارخانه ایست که تغییر می کند

P.S3(It's not play station I'm sure you know it's post script) : My tongue ( you know he is a funny guy) can't say "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", so it gets simple why I can't say hoorrrrrrrrrrrrray

The Last Particles of Hope

رضا — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 00:52:49 GMT

It's really hard to let your dreams go, but it happens sometimes and there is no other way. Colorful dreams of yours are fading in the lust of your mind's air.

this image is the property of Cassie Kranz and she is the full right Owner
You can see her awesome Glog including this image here

I tried hard, maybe not enough but it seems that there are some forces more powerful than me and they want me to do this way. I'm always looking for someone or something that has ruined this bridge so I can't cross but with my full heart I know that it's just excuses to my unsuccessfulness.

Excuses like Mom, Dad and their desires and problems instead of mine. yes, excuses because they may hold me for some time but not that powerful to stop me or breaking that bridge.

But what is really a success and what is a lost? who knows, maybe I am too damned that I can't see anything. Like they say sometimes: " you should see the full-half of glass instead of empty-half.", but as i said I can't see the glass anymore and this confusion in more dangerous than the rest of the things.

while you have a purpose and your problem is that you haven't scored, you have a way to go and a bridge to cross. But how about you not losing the way, instead you have forgotten where you were headed. Add this to the disaster that you even don't know where you are.

It reminds me of an special situation in the Ninja world of Naruto, where you have been stuck in a Genjutsu of another ninja. The first way is to release chakra from your body to disturb the opponent's chakra and get out of the genjutsu. But if the opponents and its jutsu is greater than yours then you have no other way to die if you are alone.

The only possible way of being released from the genjutsu is that one of your comrades send their chakra into your body and disturb the enemy's jutsu.

There is still hope. There is always hope. so let's wait for the comrades' chakra flows.

Reza